I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
