your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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