Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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