We're facebook friends in real life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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