What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
