I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
