hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
