you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to calm my uterus...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
