I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize