why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
