She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize