GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
