if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize