Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
