just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
