wanna go halves on a baby?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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