Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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