we're blogging at a bar
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
