addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
