I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
