Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
