i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
