WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize