Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
