Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
