hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I party with great urgency now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
