yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
