I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
