Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
