I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
