I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
