On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
