Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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