My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize