its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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