I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
