And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
