just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
