that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
