so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
