I am in a vortex of obligation.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
