I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it's like iHOP with fire
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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