planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
