peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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