You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no, he came in my armpit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
