I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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