The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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