you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My feet surprised me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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