worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
