There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
