nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
