Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
