Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
