beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
