the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
