I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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