just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
