some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
