I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize