i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
