I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
