OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
