I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
