I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
