Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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