I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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