bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
