I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
