ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize