fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
