it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
