He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
