he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
