R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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