i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
