Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
