Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
