i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
