I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
