I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
