CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize