You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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