come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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